Home

I know

you hate our home town
but I love it

You see only pain and darkness
and death
when we walk through the narrow streets
but I see joy and brightness and life

Why are we so different

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Home

Image of her, How i imagine.


​​Some days I miss her,
But I’d never tell her this. 
Because you know what it is that I really do miss? 

I miss only my thoughts about what it is that she is. 

And the curve of her waist, the distort of her lips. 
And at the end of the day the only thought left is this…

I can tolerate this, 

Because I don’t really want what she really is.
When I see her photograph. It’s nothing personal. Just life.

Image of her, How i imagine.

Loosing

 

Am I loosing myself?
Or did I years ago?
Is that why I feel so empty inside?

OR

Time flies so fast,
When thoughts loose trace,
And suddenly I’m lost,
In a never ending trance.

OR

You put in half the effort
you win.
I put in my heart and soul
I loose.
Why?

OR

Everything I touch turns dust
Maybe I ask for too much
Or maybe it’s just that I deserve to be at loss.
In the end, it’s always a lesson learned
Or a chance to gain more than I thought I could.
I might loose things
Or be blamed for letting them fade
But I have no room for regret
Or time for I wish I hads.

You can hold it against me
You can give me all your dirty looks
I promise to hold on to them
As a reminder that I’m better off.

Loosing

HOLD ME!!

 

I talk to you in metaphors, and you wonder what’s wrong with me.
You wonder how the transition has been so rapid.
I tell you,
“Storms, humans. Humans, storms.
They‘re both synonymous.”
You stare at me, clueless, not getting the inside vibe or the feeling.
But you try.
Standing right 7 inches away, I see your helpless soul trying to unfurl and entangle all it senses again and again,
I see you try to figure out what I mean.
But I fail you, each time.
Because, I can’t let you know what any metaphor I verbalise, could ever mean.
“I meant nothing, stupid”
I laugh and tell you.
You stare right into my eyes. You’re not smiling. But you are.
You’re not grieving. But you are.
I stare right back at you, agreeing to what your eyes are saying.
“We’ve lost each other.” I hear this heavy bang onto my head,
And then,
I feel it.
I feel the word vomit arising.
I feel the thousand heavy words ever felt unsaid, violently trying to break out.
The stacked memories make me twitch, hard and brutal.
The incessant craving to hold you back and make you stay, this time at least, takes over.
Eye lids start to feel heavy and gradually, drop as I’m filled with remorse and frailty.
My hands tremble along with my feet, and descend, busted.
And I realise, that despite all the hundred times I’ve tried to convince myself that you would no longer matter, I still ache for you.
And suddenly, my entire being feels tired, once and all over again.

HOLD ME!!

it’s home my friend. It’s home.

A single word can fill you

With a thousand feelings
And memories.
Some are warm, happy,
Fuzzy feelings that you enjoy;
Others… not so much.
Yelling, pain, insults;
Dysfunction, blame, guilt.
But “family” is not always
The same thing as home.
Sometimes home is a person,
Who makes you feel loved.
They make you feel wanted
And secure in their embrace.
They give you those happy, fuzzy
Feelings and light thoughts
On your dark days.
And you, my friend…
You are home to me.

it’s home my friend. It’s home.

I dont wanna feel forever

If we never met I would never known
you ever existed,
I know it may sound cruel of me
talking this away, but no one understands
the pain you gave,
I wouldn’t be so fearful if you never existed,
you scared my heart from the start,
I just didn’t know it at the time,
I was so blind by your lies,
but I feel it all now,
the cuts digging deeper down inside my heart,
you give me darken dreams
that made me scream,
I seen things I never expected to see,
on that cold September night,
The rain poured down into my life,
I know I’m scared of you,
when I see, you standing in front of me,
Your eyes so piecing, cutting into the night
Oh, how you give so much fright,
The weakest part of it all,
I once started believing you lies,
even when I know what you say wasn’t true,
I also know this isn’t true,
I once felt love for you,
But that sounds crazy to,
I didn’t expect to see you again,
but every September there you are
Playing around on my heart,
I can only hope for this nightmare to end.

I dont wanna feel forever….

until you come back home.

I dont wanna feel forever